Category: Type A

Life, Pandemic, parenting, sleep, Type A

I Don’t Come with an “Off” Button

littleshoeprincess

My social feeds are filled with blog posts and articles about how totally over everything Moms are. And I’m a sucker and I read every one of them, finding myself nodding along and whispering “Ohmygod yes!” I prefer the articles that do not Dad/Partner bash. In our house Mr. KK and I share most of the duties, however, I’m still exhausted; not because he’s not doing his share, but because he is not even aware of the running to-do list in my head. Because for all the wonderful things Mr. KK is, a mind reader he is not.

This exhaustion is both mental and emotional. I’m tired of being prepared. I’m tired of mentally trying to predict our family’s needs before they even have them. I’m fatigued from trying to “get ahead” for busy days and holidays.

Momming is hard.

I don’t want this to be taken that it’s just “Moms” who are like this because that’s sexist and leaves out too many modern-day households. It’s a personality trait, that this Mom (unfortunately) happens to have.

It’s not you, it’s 100% me.

What It’s Like Having Your Brain “On” All the Time

A typical day for me looks like this:

5:00am: Naturally wake up, no matter how many hours of sleep I’ve gotten.
5:01am: Start my morning routine: Check all 4 email accounts, delete junk, flag ones to address later; Scroll through social feeds to see what “news” broke overnight, see what dogs need a home (not that we’re looking) and vicariously live through friends who had an exciting night out. Check calendar of meetings for the day.
5:15am: Launch VRBO and Airbnb apps to continue the search for our family vacation house next summer. Find discouragement in how many houses are already fully booked for 2022.
5:45am: Support the economy! At any given time I have carts filled at at least 4 retailers. So-and-so has an upcoming birthday and we need a gift. Little Mister is outgrowing everything he owns. Didn’t Mr. KK say he needed socks? We’re running low on cleaning products.
6:00am: Good morning, Google! I use this time to “research” stuff for our lives, which can include: finding a place for a date night with Mr. KK; thinking ahead to Thanksgiving, I’d really like to change up what’s on the menu; where can we go to look at peak fall foliage this weekend; what was that book someone mentioned at work that I need to read? What gifts are new for boys this Christmas?
6:30am: FINALLY I can wake Mr. KK up for the day! I have SO MUCH to talk to him about from my morning activities!

And so it goes, every day. By the time I get out of bed, I’m mentally drained. Should I use that time to exercise? Probably. But if I get up then the dogs will wake up and get up and then Mr. KK has to get up and it’s a vicious cycle of tired, cranky beings who are up way earlier than they need to be. Plus, that vacation house isn’t going to book itself.

Why Can’t I Just Stop Thinking About Stuff?

Because it’s not how I’m wired. My brain just doesn’t shut off; there is ALWAYS something to be thinking about. This morning, I read this article about a mom doing nothing, and even in that nothingness, she did a bunch of things. But those things are second nature, so they don’t feel like chores or an item on a to-do list.

Even when I take some time to head out on my own – hit up TJ Maxx or Homegoods, or even the grocery store – I’m still thinking about everything else in my life except what I’m going. Mr. KK will get random texts from me while I’m shopping about an event a few months away, or a reminder to ask me about an item I read about in bed that morning.

Were You Able to Relax a Little During 2020?

Sort of.

I had more time to think about things (not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing?) because we were doing less. Our weekends weren’t filled with playdates and soccer games or gatherings with friends. I had more time to be my crazy, Type A, controlling self. That’s good, right?

I liken my exhaustion to after a year of having more time to do things, that precious time was taken away. So now I’m back to doing the same amount of thinking/planning/researching/living in fewer available hours. We’re back to scheduling activities for Little Mister on weekends so he doesn’t turn into a hermit who only gets to play with and see his parents. Because as fun as I think I am, this kid needs to be with other kids, outside of our house, playing with friends his own age.

We’re back to going to the grocery store. Which – silly as it sounds – can sometimes be hard to fit into the weekend. While I loved the ease of online shopping and delivery, I want to squeeze my own avocados and ensure I get the correct food times when I’m unpacking the bags.

We’re in First Grade! In school, with daily drop off and pick up (at super inconvenient times!) and homework, which requires a good half hour a day to discuss said homework, complain about doing the homework, then completing the homework in 5 minutes.

We’re trying soccer! So we’re on the hook for one practice a week (on a Monday night…seriously, who has their shit together on a Monday for this?) and a game on Saturday.

Mr. KK and I are both super busy at work. So I find myself juggling schedules, finding time to be present with Little Mister in the few hours we have together, carving out work time when I can (sorry for the 10pm work emails, people!) and, oh yeah, doing all the other house stuff that needs to get done.

I’ve taken on the role of the Vice President of the PTA this year, and I’m Little Mister’s Room Captain. I know I don’t need to do this, but I want to do this – I want to be present in Little Mister’s school and community. So I carve out time for event planning and goody-bag making as well.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Hopefully to the couch, to take a nap. (But who am I kidding? I can’t even relax enough to take a nap!)

I will take it one day at a time. I will do what I can without sacrificing what’s important each day. Some days, Little Mister is emotional and needs more one-on-one time, other days he’s happy to take his iPad in the other room for a bit and chill by himself.

I will leave dishes in the sink if I can’t get to them.

I will leave laundry undone as long as we have underwear.

I will order take out if I’m too tired to cook.

I will say “no” to a 5pm meeting at work if I just can’t make it work with everything going on at home.

I will try and find time each day to get some type of exercise (even walking the dog!) because it makes me happy.

I will TRY and sleep until 5:30am each day. (But make no promises)

Amazon, Grocery store, NaBloPoMo, Pandemic, Type A

Online Shopping for the Win

littleshoeprincess

Chances are, if you weren’t big on online shopping before March, you quickly became a new staple on the Amazon/UPS/FedEx delivery route. I know my parents have.

I have always been an Amazon star customer (an, but with the pandemic my status has risen to new levels. We bought EVERYTHING online.

This basically summed up the KK household while a pandemic was swirling around us:

I am not claiming authorship for this hilarity; it was a screen shot I had so the author is unknown to me.

Since we were all in lockdown, all clothing shopping was done online. We were transitioning from Winter into Spring, and Little Mister had ZERO clothes that would fit him. Enter Target, Old Navy and Kohls, and lots of comfy clothes that were perfect for wearing…around the yard. That was about as exciting as summer was going to get, it seemed.

And the boxes started piling up.

Amazon as usual was my go-to. Personal care items. Dog food. Toys. Protein shakes. (Still no disinfecting wipes!) Could the virus live on packages? I had no idea, so I let them sit in the garage for a few days “de-germing” before bringing them into the house. And even then I washed twice after opening them. The Poor Little Mister started asking, “Can I touch that? Is it from the warehouse?” Who is going to pay my for child’s therapy sessions in 10 years??

Halfway down the driveway? Seriously? I thought we had something special!

Online shopping was just so…easy. Click, click…it’s here! Even Little Mister discovered the joys of online shopping. Look at it on the screen, Mom clicks a few buttons, it’s here in 2 days! (Have to teach them early!)

But perhaps the biggest change for me came in the form of grocery shopping. This was new territory for me. I LOVE going to the grocery store. Sneaking out of the house on the weekends before anyone was awake, preferred seasonal beverage and list in hand, walking the aisles, making a weekly menu in my head as I went along. I tried online grocery shopping once last year and it was…fine. But physically going to the grocery store allowed me to change my mind on the fly about what we would make, should something catch my eye. It allowed me to change gears should something not be in stock. I could make my own substitutions and decide when I need to jump ship and find an entirely different product. That sort of customization is very limited with online grocery shopping.

This became the norm. Groceries dropped at the garage while I hid in the house and waved from a window.

Instacart (for all of its faults) allowed me to do this within limits. I liked that I could text with my shopper while s/he was shopping. It was like making a new friend every time I put in a grocery order! Some shoppers were better than others, engaging in my witty banter (“Any TP? Two-ply only, please!”) and sending me photos of products to make sure they were the right ones.

And, of course, I likely annoyed them with my Type A personality. For example, I had Pillsbury refrigerated pie crusts on my list one week. My shopper sent me a photo of a frozen round pie crust saying, “This is the only one they have – do you want it?”

No, I didn’t want it. It was a completely different product than the one I had requested. Also? My shopper was in the wrong section of the store. So I did what any other expert grocery shopper would have done: I passive aggressively led them to the correct part of the store.

ME: “No, thank you! If they don’t have the one in the red box near the butter and cans of crescent rolls then please don’t get any!”

The next text was pic of the exact item I was looking for with a note that said, “I found it! Last one!” with a smiley face.

Am I crazy? Yes.
Did I get the right pie crust? Also yes.

We used online grocery shopping for quite a few months. In the early summer, Mr. KK started going to the grocery store again. (Perhaps he was tired of listening to me complain that the lettuce was the wrong shade of green? Or he no longer wanted to support the avocado farmers after that time I thought I ordered 4 avocados but instead ordered 4 bags of avocados. I’m still burping up guacamole.)

With Mr. KK going to the store, I had my very own personal online grocery shopper with the added bonus that this shopper knew exactly what I liked (thin-stalked broccolini) and what I wouldn’t stand for (Lay’s chips substituted for Cape Cod).

I finally, after 6 months of avoiding it, finally went to the grocery store for the first time. I went on a Tuesday, in the middle of the day, to avoid the weekend crowds. And it was…fine. The directional arrows are a little annoying; doubling back down certain aisles definitely makes the time in store even longer. It was eye opening to see some of the empty shelves (still no disinfecting wipes!), and amazing to see who are mask wearers and who aren’t (and that no one is really standing up to anyone asking them to follow the rules posted on the door). I have gone back to store two other times, both at 7am on the weekends when no one else was in the store (those could also have been the designated senior citizen hours, but seriously, this pandemic has aged me decades and I feel I now qualify).

One positive that has come out of this year is that I have found my job when I retire: online grocery shopper.

I would be the perfect employee for a few reasons:

1. I love being in the grocery store.
2. I know where everything is, including sneaky items like QTips (baby aisle) and Bisquick (not with the other pancake mixes but in the baking aisle).
3. I’d make sensible substitutions (if they request a box of spaghetti, I would replace it with another long pasta, NOT a short, tubular one).
4. I’m very adept at spending other people’s money.
5. It’s safer than driving an Uber.

I’d be happy to start my client base now. I’ll even go to specialty stores! Reserve your spot now!

Planner, Type A

Even Type-A planners like surprises…sort of.

littleshoeprincess

If you know me, or have read a few of my blog posts, you likely know that I’m a planner. It’s in my DNA to take charge – either when no one else does, or even sometimes when someone else has taken the reins but is moving a little slowly for my taste – and plan everything down the last detail.

And I plan everything, from big events like family vacations and holidays, to smaller things like playdates and date nights. My brain never shuts off; I’m constantly thinking and making mental lists, even at 5am.

And when I’m NOT planning something, I tend to get a little…antsy. This also applies to surprises. While I love being surprised, I’m not very good at it.

For example, I had no idea that Mr. KK was going to propose on that cold, damp early March night. We were living in Boston, I was at work, and he called to tell me that he was coming into the city for a haircut. This plan seemed a little inconvenient to me (for him), so I started to think of other plans that would be more efficient time-wise for him. He still came into the city, and suggested we meet up outside my work when he was finished. It had started drizzling, but Mr. KK let me know that they were tearing down the roof deck of the building we used to live in. “I ran into the Super,” he told me. “He said we could go up and see it one last time.”

Immediately my body tensed and I went into Annoying Planner Mode. “But it’s raining,” I said to him. “Can we come back when it’s light out so we can actually see from up there?” None of these questions changed Mr. KK’s mind. The Super let us up in the elevator, all the while me complaining about the rain, my frizzy hair, and how I hated my outfit today. Did I mention I was wearing orange knee-high wellies? Super sexy and romantic for a proposal! We got up to the roof and Mr. KK got down on one knee, and you know the rest.

Aside from the engagement, there was ONE other time when Mr. KK pulled off the greatest surprise of all time. To celebrate my milestone birthday, he planned a trip for us to Mexico. BUT, we had a whole night of regular celebrations that included drinks and dinner and at a fancy schmancy restaurant. On the way home, he handed me an envelop. ‘What’s this?” I asked, holding the legal white envelop in my hand. Inside was my passport and and note that said we were going to Mexico for a week. MEXICO! Through my surprise and elation, I started to freak out. “Are we going now????” I asked him. When would I pack – I hadn’t even brought my summer clothes up from the basement yet – I needed a manicure and pedicure, we had ZERO sunscreen in the house. Who was going to watch the dog? “Relax,” he told me. “Leaving tonight would have been a bad surprise. We’re leaving in a few weeks.” PHEW. Mr. KK had even arranged my time off with my boss, all behind my back, that little sneak.

I think people tend to shy away from trying to surprise Planners. Or to even take the planning away from them. While I relish the control that comes with planning (sorry, but it’s true), I do like to have someone else take over every once in a while. Tell ME where we’re going, what we’re eating or where we’re doing for the weekend. I promise I will smile and keep all commentary to myself. But the big stuff, well, you can leave that planning to me. 🙂

For most other things, you can leave the planning to me.

Now, if everyone could turn to page 13 of their travel agenda…