Tag: Little Mister

Kids will be kids

I’m not fat, I’m poofy.

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The other day, Little Mister got off the bus in a talkative mood.

Little Mister: “Jessica on the bus asked me if you were having a baby.”

Me: “Really? What did you tell her?”

Note for the audience, I am not having a baby. And my interaction with Jessica includes her staring at me out the bus window every morning when Little Mister gets on.

Little Mister: “I told her I didn’t know if you were.”

This was an interesting answer, on multiple levels.

Me: “You know I’m not having a baby. Why did she ask you that?”

Little Mister: “She said you looked pregnant.”

Alrightythen.

To quote Manny the woolly mammoth from Ice Age: “I’m not fat, I’m poofy!” Or at least my coat was. Or, maybe I just ate too much cheese.

While Jessica’s comment was innocent, it stuck with me.

So I started to focus on my poofy self a bit more. Eating more protein. Joining invigorating classes at the local yoga flow studio. Drinking two Stanleys a day.

Kids are awesome, right?

Little Mister, summer

The Summer we Joined a Pool Club

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I love the everything about the beach.

It’s where we had our family vacations each August. It’s the place I would spend afternoons with my mom. It’s where we’ve brought Little Mister to experience the beauty of living in New England in the summertime. It’s the place I would like to have a little cottage for my retirement years. It’s the place that comes to mind where I could go to relax and forget about life for a few hours: chair in the sand, cooler my my side, book in my hand.

Taking all of that into consideration, this past summer we joined a pool club!

Our motivating factor for joining was for Little Mister. Some of his friends were members, and we knew it would be a great way for him to see his friends regularly, take some additional swim lessons, and have a place to spend weekend afternoons.

And all of that happened. What we weren’t expecting was Mr. KK and I having possibly more fun at the pool club than Little Mister did. Backpack coolers and canned cocktails for the win!

Take me back to summer, STAT

First, the pool club couldn’t be more convenient. It’s situated two miles down the road and we can get there in four minutes (if we catch both lights). It’s a pool and tennis club, no frills, and has been around forever. So much so, that when I was growing up, I spent time at this very same club with my friends who were on the swim team. The place hasn’t changed a bit. The locker room still smells the same.

Second, we knew other families who were members, so at any given time, there was a chance we would see someone we knew, and Little Mister would have a friend to play with.

Last, spending the day at the pool on weekends forced me to slow down, and to stop over-booking our time. We’d get some things done in the morning, and then would spend the afternoon at the pool.

Little Mister joined the club swim team. (I make this sound like he asked to join the swim team, instead of me saying it would be a good idea and just signing him up). He did great for his first year, considering he was still learning some of the strokes while on the team during swim lessons.

We got to see friends! This was the driving factor for joining the pool club: guaranteed hangs all summer long. Some days just one or two families were there, other days, four families would commandeer a group of lounge chairs – one eye on the kids – and spend the afternoon enjoying sunshine and adult beverages. Those were the best days.

Now that the pool is closed, Mr. KK and I are going through a little bit of withdrawal. It was comforting to know we had a place to go at any time – even for an hour or two after work for a change of scenery – where we could relax. We got to see our friends on the daily, and now we’re having a bit of separation anxiety: school is in full swing, sports and commitments have taken over calendars, and it takes quite a bit of work and planning to find time to get together.

I am mourning summer. Even though I was washing towels and bathing suits every day. Even though we spent a small fortune on goggles, the chlorine eating away at the straps until they snapped. And even though packing and unpacking that pool bag was the bain of my existence, I’d take it all back in a heartbeat if it meant a lazy afternoon by the pool, hanging with friends and not thinking about school lunches.

Kids will be kids, school

A PSA to Schools

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Dear Schools,

Let me begin by telling you how amazed I am that you take in hundreds of children each and every day, and that you continually show up for work. For 180 days. Kudos, truly. I have no idea how you do it. You are better humans than I am.

Now that we are two full months into the school year, I wanted to share some parental thoughts that you may not be aware of, that are plaguing families in towns across America.

We don’t have any cash. There is nothing more stressful than being reminded by your child that today is spirit day for a donation/field trip money is due/class t-shirt order day seven minutes before the bus comes. These requests are usually for cash and we don’t have any. After pillaging through our child’s drawers for tooth fairy money, we are tapped out. May I propose a class or school Venmo account that parents can use to pay for everything that pops up throughout the year? Speaking for this Mama, if I could donate money to a charity so my child can wear a hat to school, the donation will be much bigger if submitted electronically than if I have to find actual paper money in my house.

Kids don’t tell us shit. This is the truth. Or if they do tell us, it’s too late. A perfect example of this is when Little Mister came home with a workbook that hadn’t been started yet.

Me: “Do you have to do anything with this?”
Him: **shoulder shrug**
Me: “Why is this coming home for the first time today? Do you have to complete any of it?”
Him: “I don’t know!”

A quick email to the teacher revealed that the kids were told to do a few pages in the workbook on Monday (today was Wednesday). My particular child looked at me like I asked him to recite the periodic table of elements when I asked him if he remembered being asked to work on this.

Unless it’s assigned to them in writing, sent home via email from teachers to parents, or stapled to their foreheads, there’s a 97% chance that what teachers are telling students in school is not making it to their parents’ ears at home. What IS making it to our ears, is who went to the Principal’s office, if the cafeteria ran out of Oreo ice cream bars and who pushed who during recess.

When a child does remember something, it’s usually at the most inopportune time:

At the bus stop: “We could bring a stuffed animal in today! Can we go get one?”
Having breakfast: “Can you chaperone the field trip today?”
Before bed: “Today parents could have come in to read to our class.”

Projects. You are looking at someone who LOVES herself a good art and craft project. When I have the opportunity to break out the glue gun, I am one happy girl. And I can appreciate the learning that goes into working on a project, creating something with your hands and mind, and showing it off. I am not looking for fewer projects! My question is this: is there any chance the projects could be smaller? Actually physically smaller. While we are putting our Amazon boxes to great use, we are running out of room to display (read: store) all of our beloved works of art. Because guess who doesn’t like to throw out projects? The kid who made them.

We parents can not thank you enough for everything you’re doing for our children.

If you need me, I’ll be gathering small bills from the bank to get us through the end of the year.

Family, Little Mister

Safari, So Good.

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Growing up an only child, all of my childhood vacation memories are of me and my parents. California to visit my grandparents, Wildwood, New Jersey the same week every August until I was 18 and, a trip to Six Flags in New Jersey. Not to do the amusement park (I would have been riding those rides solo) but instead, for the drive through safari.

I have vivid memories of this safari; namely, sitting in the backseat of the car, thighs stuck to the leather bench seat in the summer heat, little monkeys sitting on the hood of our car as we drove 5 mph through the park, and – the pièce de résistance: a giraffe walking up to our car, bending its long neck down to the passenger window, and my mom rolling down her window and feeding him a piece of gum. (For the record – my parents have no recollection of this happening so perhaps I’m making this up?)

But what I do remember from the Safari was that I thought it was pretty cool.

So when it came time to think of a birthday present this year for our Little Mister, the Safari felt like the perfect gift! 1. He loves animals 2. It was an experience, and would not be another toy in our playroom and 3. We could make a weekend out of it and have an adventure!

Our adventure started with a traffic-filled drive to the middle-of-nowhere New Jersey to a Hampton Inn in the Township of Cranbury. (Can someone please explain these Townships to me? What the heck is a ‘Township’?)

Little Mister is not an experienced hotel visitor so he thought who he was rolling his suitcase up to the front desk. Since we’re still in a pandemic and I have an unvaccinated child, once we got into the room we stayed there: bringing in take out and watching movies on TV.

The next morning we arrived at the gates to the Safari after meticulously reviewing all of the animals we would see, the order we would see them, and how many exactly there were. And let me tell you: it didn’t disappoint. I don’t know who was more excited to see animals…me or the Little Mister. I just couldn’t not believe I was looking at an elephant a few feet away – not caged like a zoo – and I was in New Jersey.

We often had to stop so animals could cross the road in front of our car because they have the right of way (of course). And we were in New Jersey! (Did I mention that we were in New Jersey?)

Our Little Mister could not contain himself. Here were some of his most favorite animals, right in front of him! Lions! Elephants! Giraffes! (My favorite) Tigers! Bears! Rhinos! And a whole lot of gazelle/oryx/eland that literally all look alike. Not to mention about 4 million geese. He was so excited about seeing the geese, I felt we would have driven around a few ponds in Connecticut and has the same effect at the safari that was 3 hours away.

But seriously, this Safari is practically in our backyard (closer than Africa! Cheaper than Disney!).

I highly recommend it! Especially if you take your kids overnight to the lap of luxury also knows as the Hampton Inn.

Here are some highlights:

Little Mister, “I though the elephants would be bigger.” Elephant: “Shut up, kid, I’m shading myself with this parasol.”
This guy, missing his brother who moved to Vegas years ago…
The bears looked a little…sad. Like someone took away all of their salmon. Or freedom. Or whatever.
These guys were literally in the rood. At once point something spooked one of them and he started running toward our car. All I could imagine were those horns going right into the passenger door.
My favorite animal. Nothing comes close to being as cool as the pattern on their bodies.
Okapi? Oryx family? What the heck are these?
This guys was all like, “Imagonna pace like this until I figure a way out and then I’m going to eat the shit out of this safari.”

And perhaps my favorite, the chillin’ kangaroo. I imagine he was saying, “‘Sup?” as we drove by.

All this for $9.99/person? Talk about the bargain of the century! If you haven’t been, and you have an animal lover at home, GO. It’s totally worth it!

COVID, Kids will be kids, Life, Little Mister, NaBloPoMo, Pandemic, parenting

Should Kids 5-11 Get the COVID 19 Vaccine?

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Last month, we were all invited for dinner at the house of Little Mister’s bestest friend. It was October and still warm, so the plan was to eat outside. However, Mother Nature was like, “Oh no, you’re not!” and it proceeded to be rainy and cold. The soirée became an inside party.

Little Mister asked me before we getting ready to leave, “Do I have to wear my mask inside?”

I hesitated for only a second. We knew the family, and I know how conscientious they are. And I make my family practically live in a bubble, so…

“Not tonight,” I replied.

Little Mister’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I DON’T??? Hooray! This is the best day ever!”

And my heart broke a little bit.

Never did I imagine that my child’s “best day ever” would be not having to wear a mask at a playdate.

Now that we are back in school in person full time, he is wearing a mask all day long. And guess what? It doesn’t bother him. When we venture out of the house, he puts his mask on while we are still in the car, driving to our destination. At his annual pediatrician’s appointment, she wanted to look in his mouth and asked him to remove his mask quickly. “Will I get the virus if I do?” he asked sincerely.

With the news that the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved for use on children 5-11 years old, you’d think we’d all be running to get in line. But, I’m not running. Or even fast walking. I’m meandering at a leisurely pace…using the time it takes me to get there gather up as much information as I can.

I should be thrilled! A vaccine! To help prevent COVID! So why am I hesitating? For starters, I am 100% fine doing something to myself, however, when it comes to my child, that’s a different story. What if he has an adverse reaction? Why wasn’t the test group larger? Do they know enough about the effects of the vaccine on the Littles?

Also – but not as important – is Little Mister’s fear of needles and the self-induced anxiety he gives himself whenever he thinks he needs a shot. Someday I’ll tell you about getting the flu shot this year…

A mom friend to whom I was telling about my hesitation, shared this article with me, which is basically the 5-11 COVID-19 Vaccine Guide for Dummies. And I appreciate this non-scientific explanation of what is going on with the vaccine and the young test groups.

Giving the COVID-19 Vaccine to young children is such a personal decision. I’m not sure what the availability of the vaccine will do for the mask mandate in school – will it be removed? Because if the answer is yes, that would definitely sway my decision. Because as much as I want to believe first graders are awesome about mask wearing – and they are pretty good – I know little kids can’t help but be on top of each other…and the few times I’ve been in the school I’ve seen mediocre mask wearing at best by lots of the kids.

I have booked Little Mister an appointment for his first vaccine. We have a few weeks to think it over and make a final decision. If we do it, he’ll be fully vaccinated by Christmas. And a COVID-free holiday sounds amazing!

Kids will be kids, Life, Mornings, NaBloPoMo, parenting

What I Do “Right”, According to My 6 Year Old

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Today was my morning to bring the Little Mister to school at Grandma’s House of Remote Learning. We backed out of the garage and waved at Mr. KK in the window. After a few waves I put the car in drive, turned the wheel, and off we went down our long driveway.

“MO-O-O-OM!” Little Mister whined (loudly) from the backseat.

“What is it?” I asked. We literally just left the house, what could be wrong already?

“I didn’t get to say goodbye to Lance,” Little Mister huffed at me. Lance is our neighbor’s dog, a gigantic white horse that barks incessantly at all hours of the day and night. There is no love lost for Lance.

“We didn’t get to say goodbye and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!” Little Mister yelled, crossing his arms across his chest and scowling out his window.

Ah, yes. Of course it was my fault. You see – we have reached the stage in childhood where everything is my fault. My child literally blames me for every bad and horrific thing that happens. Here are some examples of what has recently been my fault:

  1. Little Mister stubs his toe on the kitchen chair, while I’m 15 feet away at the stove.
  2. The wifi blips and the movie we’re watching cuts out. Totally my fault.
  3. Little Mister is building a tower of animals that is not structurally sound to begin with and the entire thing topples over. MY FAULT.
  4. Little Mister tells me he doesn’t want a cookie, so I put the cookies away. Little Mister then has a tantrum because I put the cookies away without giving him one. Mom’s fault!
  5. Little Mister runs and jumps on a bean bag pile, misses, and bangs his knee on the hardwood floor. Even though I’m in a completely different room, you guessed it: my fault!

So today, when I drove away from our house on our way to school without letting Max say goodbye to the dog who was not even outside, and was told it was my fault, I couldn’t let it go.

“So you not saying goodbye to Lance is my fault?” I ask. Not because I need clarity, but because the accusation is so ridiculous.

“Yep,” he says. “Just like everything else.”

Ouch.

“Let me ask you,” I say, as if I’m talking to a thirty year old, and not my 6 year old who apparently thinks I’m responsible for all of the horrible things in his life. “Is there anything you think I do right?”

Little Mister thinks about this for a minute.

“You cook right,” he says.

Cooking! Ok, I’ll take it.

“Anything else?” I ask.

“Hugging. You hug perfectly right.”

Awww. Now we’re talking.

“What else does Mommy do right?”

“You play with me right,” he says. “And you watch movies the right way.” I’m not quite sure what the right way is to watch movies. Maybe, staying awake? Lying on the couch? Singing all the songs?

“Wow, thank you!” I tell Little Mister. “It makes me feel good to hear all those things that I do right and that not everything is my fault.”

Little Mister sighs, obviously growing tired of our conversation. “You don’t do everything wrong. But it is your fault I didn’t say goodbye to Lance.”

Who was not even outside! I want to scream. But I keep my mouth shut, another thing I do right. Sometimes.

Kids will be kids

Funny things 5 year olds say.

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Part of being a parent is watching in awe as your little person learns and grows, and discovers the world around them. Also part of being a parent is cursing the day your child learns to spell and you can no longer talk in C-O-D-E. (Lucky for us, we can still spell out entire conversations to each other.)

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Us being silly with Snapchat (aka: “the button with the ghost on it”

These little sponges pick up on everything around them, even when you think they are engrossed in an episode of Paw Patrol. And out of nowhere they will say the funniest things to you, based on conversations you never knew they were listening to.

In our house, that looks something like this:

Little Mister: “Mom! Come and see this fort me and Daddy built out of blankets!”
Me: “I’ll be right there!”
Little Mister: “It’s so cool! It has an adult area where you can get lots of different beers! You’ll love it!”

And like this:

Mr. kk (to me): “Do you want to share a frosty?”
Little Mister: “Mom, I think Dad is asking you if you want half his beer.”

And this (has nothing to do with beer, thankfully. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of us):

Little Mister: “Let’s walk down the hallway in order from oldest to youngest. Dad, you go first, then Mom, then me.”
Me: “You heard him, Dad, oldest in the front!”
((Let it be known for the record that Mr. kk is two years my junior))

On talking about The Lion King:

Me: “Was there a bad guy in that movie?”
Little Mister: “Yes! His name was Scarf!”
Me: “You mean Scar?”
Little Mister: “Yes, Scarf.”

On asking him to do anything:

Little Mister: “RELAX, Dad. Jeesh.”

or

Little Mister: “Just calm down, everyone!”

In between telling us yet another food that is now ‘yucky’ and fighting bedtime like it’s his job, the Little Mister is a funny, smart and sweet boy, who keeps us on our toes and keeps us laughing.

Kids will be kids

Aren’t 5 year olds fun sometimes?

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Our Little Mister is embracing his independence now that he is “one whole hand” old.

I’ve heard the term “three-nager” but what do we call the 5 year old who knows everything?

We love this kid like crazy, but we’d be lying if we said some of his antics didn’t drive us crazy.

Here are the super fun things going on in our house right now:

Clothing is a thing. He has an opinion about everything that goes on his body. Pants aren’t “cozy” enough. Sweatshirts aren’t an “all day shirt”. His new sneakers are “too hard”.

He. Doesn’t. Go. To. Sleep. Every night there is a song and dance at bedtime. Sometimes it’s too dark. Then it’s too hot. Then he wants Rocco. Then Rocco is moving too much. Then he’s thirsty. Then he wants to ask a question. Then he needs to be tucked in. Then he needs to tell us something. Then…it’s 9:30pm and he’s still not sleeping.

Bionic hearing. This kid hears everything. Let’s just say, we can no longer have adult conversations in the house without someone piping up and asking questions about what we mean, or why so-and-so is doing this or that. So now Mr. KK and I are resigned to talk to each during the times that we’re awake but the Little Mister isn’t. So, for about 5 minutes a day.

We are constantly getting interrupted. When Mr. KK and I do try and have a conversation – what we’re having for dinner, what we’re doing that weekend, nothing deep or meaningful, we save that for our 5 minutes of kid-free time – we are immediately interrupted by an incessant little voice saying, “Mommy. Mommy. Mom. Mom. Mommy. MOOOOOMMMMMYYYYY.” And it doesn’t stop until we answer.

It’s very LOUD in our house. Are kids just programmed to only speak at one decibel: ear-splitting? We could be standing next to the Little Mister and he still yells. Mr. KK downloaded this app that measures how loud is too loud to talk with a cute little emoji that makes a sad face when you talk too loudly that the Little Mister immediately assumed was a game and tried to make the little dial go off the charts. Why do kids talk so damn loudly??

He threatens us. But not well. “If you don’t let me have a snack, you can’t play Paw Patrol with me.” Um….ok?

Everything is NO. It doesn’t matter the question, or what we say to him, his answer is no every single time, and often before we finish. “Let’s wash our hands for dinner.” NO. “Can you put your shoes on?” NO. Sometimes I try and trick him…ask him a bunch of questions in a row, then throw in a “Do you want a snack?” and he’ll say NO and then catch himself. Little bugger.

Five is a hard age. He wants to be a big boy, but he still has little boy tendencies. Which I’m totally okay with, because I want him to be little forever. Which I know is ridiculous, but the thought of a teenager who doesn’t want anything to do with me scares the crap out of me. We had one night last week where the Little Mister was crying for Daddy and NOT Mommy, and my entire night deflated. But he always wants me! Why doesn’t he want me?! I’m crazy, I know.

I just want him to grow up happy and healthy and to be a good human.

Who doesn’t talk so loudly.

Christmas, Elf on the Shelf

I can’t wait for the Elf on a Shelf to return.

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I know some of you will cringe when you read this title; not because it’s about the Elf on a shelf (the creator of whom I’m sure receives hate mail) but because I’m talking about CHRISTMAS before Thanksgiving has even happened.

But I love Christmas. And if I didn’t think my family would boycott, the tree would be up and the house would be decorated before Thanksgiving this year. (Thanksgiving is LATE this year, y’all!)

Last year, I spent time debating whether to Elf or not to Elf, and in the end, decided that I wanted to start the Elf on a Shelf tradition because the Little Mister would get a kick of out if. And, if we’re being honest, I had fun with it, too.

I didn’t do anything too crazy with him – like have him poop Hershey Kisses, or make a snow angel in sugar on the counter (who wants to clean that up?), but our Elf, Jack, had enough antics that made the Little Mister smile every morning.

 

I commend him on his appreciation for fine bourbon, and for leaving the house just as he found it.

Jack will arrive on the Friday after Thanksgiving, in a big box from the North Pole addressed to the Little Mister, with a Christmas book and Christmas pajamas inside.

Suggestions on what antics Jack the Elf should find himself up to this year?

Kids will be kids, NaBloPoMo

From the mouth of a 4 year old.

littleshoeprincess

Ah, the uncensored, mostly hilarious – yet sometimes mean – mouth of a preschooler.

If you’re looking for honest feedback, find the nearest 4-year-old. They speak their minds, have no filter. They also pick up on things they hear and that you say to them, then turn around and use those same phrases in shockingly proper ways.

Here are some recent gems:

When he sees a toy commercial or a toy in a catalog. “I would like that toy from Santa! Wait, was is that toy? What does it do? Doesn’t matter, I still want it!”

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“I’ll take one of these, and one of these, and one of these…”

Little Mister was pretending that me and Mr. KK were babies. He woke us up and told us he needed to go to work. He put on my scarf, kissed us both good-bye and said, “Now don’t do anything I wouldn’t do when I was you!”

I was drying him off after his bath, and he ran to the bathroom before we put pajamas on. When he came back, he informed me, “AND, I didn’t even pee on the floor! Well, except that one drop, but that’s right in front of the toilet, so it’s ok.”

Little Mister brought his stuffed monkey in the car with him on the way to daycare. I let him know that he needed to leave his monkey in the car when he went into school. His response, “Ok, but I don’t want your girlfriends playing with my monkey all day.” Oh boy.

 

Never a dull moment in this house!