Life of kk

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Comedian Greg Behrendt had a funny bit about getting old.

It goes something like this:

“One day, you’re a vital dude with a plan and information and then the next day, BOOM, you’re an old man with a new vocabulary. A word you’re using: ointment. Ointment! Not as a joke, but because you need one. How come? ‘Cause you’re sore. From what? From f*cking sleeping wrong. That’s a real thing: sleeping wrong!”

When Mr. KK and I first heard this bit a decade ago, we thought it was hilarious. Fast forward ten years, when our bones crack when we kneel down, and simple tasks such as brushing our teeth can incur neck pain, and we’re no longer laughing.

When I turned 40, I accepted that I needed little cheater reader glasses. It’s because I stare at the computer screen all day, I rationalized to myself. Plus, I needed only the lowest magnification, so it wasn’t like I really needed them.

Then, I started noticing other things.

My eyes got worse. Those .75 strength reader glasses just weren’t cutting it anymore. So I upgraded to the 1.00. Then the 1.25. Then the 1.5. At that point, I figured I might just need glasses all the time, so I went to the eye doctor. She wrote me a prescription for 1.75 cheaters. But I still use the 1.5 because I’m just not ready to admit that I need them.

All-over body aches. I would wake up in the morning and I would hobble out of bed like I was 100 years old. I couldn’t even stand up straight. I’m not sure what happened from the time I laid down until when my alarm went off, but it’s like my body deteriorated while I slept.

Zero flexibility. For someone who used to dance and be able to do a split, I can no longer get into criss-cross apple sauce without the assistance of my hands. What happened to me? I used to be able to do pliés without the use of a barre, now I’m lucky if I could get up off the floor with rolling onto my knees and pushing off my thigh.

Debilitating back pain. Every few months, my lower back finally gives out to stabbing pain, making it nearly impossible to stand up/walk/lie down/sit. This lasts for about 4-5 days. It’s super fun, especially when it happens on the morning of your beach vacation before you get in a car for 4 hours. (True story). Turns out, working from home and sitting so long is causing my hips to be stuck in a position so long that’s weakening my back. Awesome!

Shoulder pain. I pretty much haven’t used my left arm in a few months. The pain is in the front of my left shoulder, at the curve. It hurts to raise my arm above my head, grab a glass out of the cabinet, hold my hair dryer. I can’t pick up the Little Mister, pull the covers up or lift a grocery bag. Not wanting to make this a bigger deal that it was (the onset of old age), I went to a massage therapist, hoping he could work out the pain.

“How old are you?” he asked me. When I answer, he says, “That’s just about right. Ma’am, you have frozen shoulder. Many women around your age get it.”

Excuse me? Around my age? And what’s with the ‘ma’am’?

Because this sounded like a completely made up diagnosis, I consulted with Dr. Google who confirmed that Frozen Shoulder actually WAS a thing. Not only was it a thing, but there were three stages, as described by the Mayo Clinic: Freezing, Frozen and Thawed (I am not making this up, people). Treatment is stretching and exercising, and it will typically resolve itself within – wait for it – up to 2 YEARS.

So, let’s recap:

I can’t stand up straight in the mornings.
Every few months I can’t walk/sit/stand/lie down without excruciating pain.
Oh, and my shoulder is frozen for the next 2 years.

So…what’s new with you?

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If Morning People Ruled the World

November 4, 2018 littleshoeprincess

I have been a morning person my whole life.

When I was 5 or 6, I would wake up on weekends while it was still dark and creep downstairs to watch Saturday morning cartoons until my parents woke up.

In college, especially after a night of Natty Lights, my eyes would pop open a mere few hours after everyone went to bed, and I’d be forced to lie my lower bunk quietly until I heard one of my housemates stumble to the bathroom so I could race into the hall and ambush her awake. (My roommates LOVED me)

And even now, Mr. KK wakes up every morning to see my face illuminated by my Kindle, as I wait for the world around me to wake up. (For the record, my 4 year old sleeps WAY later than I do)

So it should be no surprise, that on the morning we change the clocks and ‘fall back’ an hour, that I wake up in total darkness, only to see the numbers 3:59 on the face of my iPhone. ‘Well, that’s really 4:59am, which is 5am, which is what time I wake up every day anyway,’ I rationalize to myself.

Having been a morning person my life has made me realize that the world revolves around non-morning people.

Case in point: one of the only places open before daybreak are coffee shops, and they are only open so that they could provide caffeine for all the non-morning people who have to get up early for work or to catch a flight.

Did you know there are some retailers who still do not open until 11am on Sundays?! I’m already having lunch at 11am on Sundays, folks; my day is half over.

Morning people have so many early hours in which they could get sh*t done, if the world just cooperated. (If you are a morning person + a 9-5 working person + a mother, you hear me.)

As a Morning Person (MP), if I ruled the world, there is one big change I would make to make my life easier: stores would open earlier. Not every store, on every day. Instead, key retailers (that MPs who are mothers could appreciate) would rotate days on which they opened at 5am.

The schedule would look something like this:

• Mondays: Target unlocks their doors to utopia, including the Starbucks inside (sorry, Target, the 8am opening is nice and all, but it’s a little late)
• Tuesdays: The TJX Company opens all of their stores (HomeGoods, TJ Maxx and Marshalls, here I come!)
• Wednesdays: Michael’s and/or Hobby Lobby welcomes us with open arms for those last-minute craft and decor needs
• Thursdays: Gap, Inc steps up to the plate for Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy (if you have kids and you haven’t been to an Old Navy in the last 30 days, are you even a parent?)
• Fridays: your local grocery or specialty store has their veggies spritzed and their meat and fish cases stocked and ready (why do shopping on the weekends when all the other working folks are buying their food?)

Just writing this makes me feel like I have more hours in my day! Imagine how much we morning folks could accomplish!

How do we make this happen?? #kkforpresident

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Three was almost the end of me.

November 3, 2018 littleshoeprincess

I mentally prepared my self for the “terrible twos”. It’s all you hear about coming out of the bliss of an 18-month old who smiles and laughs and reminds you of why you had children.

But two came and went, and it was just as awesome as the “ones”. Little Mister was a late bloomer – he didn’t even take his first steps until he was 18 months old! – so he was as smiley and easy going as he was a year earlier.

And then…three.

Oh, for all things holy…THREE.

Why doesn’t anyone tell you about three? I feel they focus so much on the ‘terrible twos’ that they gloss right over three. I found out the nomenclature for three – the “threenager” – and oh, we were so good at being a threenager in this house.

Oh, the wonderfulness of the Threenager at dinner. (That’s homemade sauce and meatballs, y’all)

Tantrums? CHECK.

Potty training ignorance? CHECK.

Mastering the word “NO!”? CHECK.

Testing my every last patience and nerve? CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!

It was like a unknown force – let’s call it a demon for lack of a better term – took over our child’s body. Gone was our sweet, innocent, laughing, lovable boy.

In his place? The Threenager: with enough attitude to make a 15-year-old misunderstood girl blush.

Things that upset our Threenager included (but are in no way limited to):

• Short-sleeved shirts
• Four chicken nuggets instead of five in his dish
• Mondays
• When you tried to help him
• When you let him do things on his own
• When you asked what he wanted for dinner
• When he asked for something and we said ‘yes’
• When we wouldn’t let him eat candy for breakfast
• When he’d ask for pancakes and I’d make him pancakes
• When I’d cut his sandwich into squares and not triangles
• When we asked him to wash his hands (this still upsets him)
• When he wouldn’t get his way
• When he did get his way

Oh, and the list goes on.

A month ago, we hit the a big milestone: LM TURNED FOUR.

I didn’t want to be disillusioned. Would a switch be flipped? Would the Threenager be behind us forever?

Or, would it just go on? Terrible Twos, Threenager…what was next?

Any chance it’s the “Fantastic Fours” ???

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How the Grandmas ruined Target.

November 2, 2018November 2, 2018 littleshoeprincess

I’m sorry, Grandmas, but it’s true. My shopping oasis with my little buddy will never be the same.

If you’ve ever met me, read this blog or had a conversation about my favorite place on earth, you know that I LOVE Target.

My ideal morning looks like this: pulling into the Target parking lot at 7:58am – right before it opens – securing my self-designated parking spot, and watching them unlock those glorious doors to reveal a magical place that loves to take my money.

After the Little Mister (LM) was born, this tradition continued. Maternity leave was the perfect time to do my Target stroll during the week, when everyone else was at work! We had the whole store to ourselves.

Here is LM on his very first

Target run at 3 weeks old.

For three and a half years, LM and I would enjoy our mornings in Target. He’d have a snack while I sipped an iced coffee, we’d pick up new books to read, stock up on diapers and formula, and – of course – we’d buy outfits and home decor that we didn’t need.

Then one day, LM came home from his Grandma’s house with a new toy.

“Where did you get that?” I asked him.

“TARGET!” LM replied, excitement in his eyes. “Mommy, they have TOYS at Target!”

And that’s when my perfect little Target world came crumbling down.

You see, up until this very day, LM had no idea that Target sold toys. Why? BECAUSE I NEVER TOOK HIM TO THE TOY DEPARTMENT.

Free parenting advice: If you take a child to a toy department, he’s going to want a toy.

So to avoid having to have the “discussion” (read: tantrum) about why we’re not buying a toy every time we go to ‘the store with the red carts’ I just avoided the toy department completely.

And let me tell you something: it was wonderful.

A week later, LM’s other Grandmother took him to Target. And guess what? Another toy!

“I like Target,” LM told me, clutching his new toy as we drove home.

“Yeah,” I told him. “I used to like it, too.”

Thanks a LOT, Grandmas!

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What I’ve been doing in the last year. (Day 1 NaBloPoMo)

November 2, 2018November 2, 2018 littleshoeprincess

The passage of time is funny.

It’s amazing to me that the same day/week/month can fly by for one person, and drag on for eternity for another, when it’s exactly the same amount of seconds/hours/days.

It’s amazing to me that it has been 11 months since my last post. In the last (almost) year, I have written so many blog posts in my head, that just didn’t make it into the digital world. They were really good, though. Thoughtful and witty…well, you’ll just have to take my word.

As I get older, I find it’s harder to recall the bigger events or milestones. Instead, I find myself musing over the little details that made a much bigger impact.

Here are some little details from the last year…

December.

This was a good Christmas year – we were finally at an age where we understood what was going on (Santa was coming! He was going to leave presents!) But apparently, our child did not get the memo that you were supposed to wake up before daybreak to go and see if Santa came. Instead, our child slept in, until we finally had to wake him since we had family coming over in a hour and we needed to get ready. When he finally made his way out into the family room, he looked at the tree and presents and asked, “I think I’d like a cookie and some milk first, before I open presents.”

***

March.

For me and Mr. KK, birthdays have never been about gifts. Instead, we plan an experience for the other person. Sometimes that’s a fancy dinner out, sometimes – like when it’s your 40th birthday – it’s a surprise trip to Mexico (my favorite birthday surprise to date). And sometimes, you just have to indulge in your husband’s love of beer and make the short pilgrimage to the mecca of hazy IPAs where you can wait in a long line, and then imbibe and forget all about it. BONUS: you get to bring home souvenirs!

***

April.

The time had come for our Little Mister to learn how to swim. So I signed him up for swimming lessons with the town pool. He was so excited to go swimming in the “big pool”! He couldn’t wait to get his bathing suit on! We got to change in the locker room! And then, it was time to get in the pool, and our child just was NOT having it. So instead, for the first few classes, our child took swim lessons from land. We played with the noodles. Splashed the kids in the pool. And asked – the minute we left the pool – when we were coming back. And don’t even get me started on the Dad who made comments to me about our son not getting in the pool; I seriously almost decked him.

***

July.

This past July marked one year since we lost our beloved fur baby, Vito. I wrote about this loss last NaBloPoMo, and I still ugly cry every time I think about our little Wonder Dog. I can’t believe how conditioned we become to certain behaviors, without even realizing it. Whenever I come home, and enter the mudroom from the garage, I still scan the floor for poop. (I have to admit, if I found poop on the floor of the mudroom these days, I’d worry about the humans living in the house with me). I still listen for the clicks of his nails on the hardwood floors. And when I look under the Little Mister’s chair after a meal, it’s because I’m waiting for our little furry vacuum to come and clean it all up. Family and friends ask us all the time if we think we’ll get another dog. And I’m sure we will. I just have to make room in my heart, where memories of Vito still occupy the part of it for loving pets.

***

September.

I celebrated the milestone of being in my new job for a year at the end of August. And what a busy year it has been! Perhaps my biggest undertaking was rebranding the company and launching an entirely new website. I haven’t felt stress like this since I was in a new biz pitch in my last job. But it launched – and launched on time! – and I couldn’t be more proud. It looks amazing, and it’s filled with content to help people understand surrogacy, and how they could be finally be the parents they’ve always dreamed of.

And so here we are, November 1. Twenty nine more days of sharing for me, and twenty nine more days of reading for you.

Buckle up.