Tag: sleep

Life, Little Mister, Mr. KK, sleep

I Haven’t Had a Good Night’s Sleep Since 2003

littleshoeprincess

We bought our Little Mister a kid-friendly “smart” watch for his birthday, in an effort to help him become more aware of time (and the passage of time, and how 30 minutes on an iPad feels different than 30 minutes of folding laundry), and his daily activity level.

Last night, he asked to wear his watch to bed so he could “track his sleep”. When he emerged from his shower this morning, he popped his watch on the charger.

“So….” I said, eyeing him expectantly, “how did you sleep?”

He deftly hit a few buttons. “Eight hours and forty four minutes!”

Almost nine hours! Oh, to be a kid again. The last time I slept for that long was…probably never? But we have been training Little Mister to be a champion sleeper and apparently it has paid off.

Somewhere, under this pile of stuffed animals, is Little Mister and
our dog Rocco and potentially our dog Bruno as well.

Way back when, as I was gently placing Little Mister into his crib on the last night of my maternity leave, I whispered into his ear, “You need to sleep through the entire night”, then I kissed his head and backed out of his room.

Guess what? He slept through the night from that day forward. I believe it was because I willed it to be true, because I could not even begin to think about waking up for work every day after having been up multiple times during the night.

Up until that point, Little Mister had already been a great sleeper. In his early days, newly home from the hospital, he would sleep in 5 hours stretches of time (which, ironically, sometimes now passes as a full night’s sleep for me).

It’s no wonder that he sometimes clocks 9, 10 or 12 hours of sleep (I have had to wake him up on more than one occasion on a weekend as the clock neared 11am!)

I was never a late sleeper, and Lord knows I’m a morning person and not a night owl. As a child, I would wake up on Saturday mornings WAY before the morning cartoons started, quietly playing in my room until my parents woke up. In high school, I never needed an alarm to wake up for school. In college, well, let’s just I would lie awake on my bottom bunk waiting to hear someone in our house stirring so I could pounce on them to start the day.

I know how important sleep is for my body. Because I can’t sleep late, I try and go to sleep earlier on the front end to get some quality hours in before midnight. Almost every morning, my eyes open close to 5am. (It was 4am a few weeks back when we changed the clocks because apparently I have the sleep patterns of a toddler). Every morning Mr. KK wakes up to see my face lit up by my phone or Kindle, eagerly waiting for someone to talk to.

At this point I’m so used to being away so early. I do some of my best online shopping before the sun comes up.

Since I wasn’t a late sleeprer, I needed to ensure that I was getting quality sleep over quantity. Mr. KK and I were waking up sore every morning. I was crooked when I first would stand up, hobbling to the bathroom until I could stand up straight. We knew it was our mattress.

So a few years ago, Mr. KK and I bought a Sleep Number bed. And it changed our lives. I can control the firmness of my side of the bed with my phone, AND it tracks my sleep for me. Now I wake up (pain free, I might add) and I can see how restless I was, when I was in deep sleep, and when I got out of bed. And while I’m not sleeping any later, I am sleeping better. We have a friendly competition going of who got the better sleep score the night before. We are both tied for best score ever of 95; but for me that was only after traveling 11 straight days for work, sleeping like shit in hotel rooms, and coming home while Mr. KK was traveling and having the bed all to myself (plus 2 dogs). That night I got quality AND quantity.

I am so incredibly jealous of how well my child sleeps. Not only can he sleep late, he can stay up late! On Friday nights we’ll all be on the couch watching TV and before I know it, I’m waking up and it’s 11:34pm and Little Mister is sitting there wide eyed, holding the remote, watching a show.

And now that he is older, he wants to go to bed later. Which is the opposite of me, who wants to go to bed the minute the dinner dishes are in the dishwasher. Especially because I have no problem falling asleep within 3 minutes of climbing into bed. There are nights where Mr. KK and I can’t wait to go to sleep, and we’re ready to hop in bed the minute Little Mister turns out his lights. Those are the nights that LM loses his mind, yelling, “I DON’T WANT TO GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME!”

To which I reply, “So go to bed earlier.”

When I heard Little Mister slept for almost nine hours, I’m not ashamed to admit that I was a little jealous. What does it feel like to sleep that long? Do you wake up feeling rested? Does your back hurt because you’ve been lying down for so long? I have so many questions.

I average about 6 hours of “good” sleep a night. The other hour I’m in bed is me tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable around the two dogs who are bed hogs, and thinking. Making my mental lists of what appointments need to be made, what we need at the store, what time the holiday concert is, whether or not I need to adjust Little Mister’s dismissal plan. Not to mention what’s for dinner, what’s going into lunches and when was the last time that the little dog Lucy pooped.

All this to say: I’m incredibly jealous of Little Mister’s carefree life that enables him to sleep late. And that it’s barely 9pm right now and I can’t keep my eyes open!

Here’s to the tired Mamas out there. I see you.

Life, Pandemic, parenting, sleep, Type A

I Don’t Come with an “Off” Button

littleshoeprincess

My social feeds are filled with blog posts and articles about how totally over everything Moms are. And I’m a sucker and I read every one of them, finding myself nodding along and whispering “Ohmygod yes!” I prefer the articles that do not Dad/Partner bash. In our house Mr. KK and I share most of the duties, however, I’m still exhausted; not because he’s not doing his share, but because he is not even aware of the running to-do list in my head. Because for all the wonderful things Mr. KK is, a mind reader he is not.

This exhaustion is both mental and emotional. I’m tired of being prepared. I’m tired of mentally trying to predict our family’s needs before they even have them. I’m fatigued from trying to “get ahead” for busy days and holidays.

Momming is hard.

I don’t want this to be taken that it’s just “Moms” who are like this because that’s sexist and leaves out too many modern-day households. It’s a personality trait, that this Mom (unfortunately) happens to have.

It’s not you, it’s 100% me.

What It’s Like Having Your Brain “On” All the Time

A typical day for me looks like this:

5:00am: Naturally wake up, no matter how many hours of sleep I’ve gotten.
5:01am: Start my morning routine: Check all 4 email accounts, delete junk, flag ones to address later; Scroll through social feeds to see what “news” broke overnight, see what dogs need a home (not that we’re looking) and vicariously live through friends who had an exciting night out. Check calendar of meetings for the day.
5:15am: Launch VRBO and Airbnb apps to continue the search for our family vacation house next summer. Find discouragement in how many houses are already fully booked for 2022.
5:45am: Support the economy! At any given time I have carts filled at at least 4 retailers. So-and-so has an upcoming birthday and we need a gift. Little Mister is outgrowing everything he owns. Didn’t Mr. KK say he needed socks? We’re running low on cleaning products.
6:00am: Good morning, Google! I use this time to “research” stuff for our lives, which can include: finding a place for a date night with Mr. KK; thinking ahead to Thanksgiving, I’d really like to change up what’s on the menu; where can we go to look at peak fall foliage this weekend; what was that book someone mentioned at work that I need to read? What gifts are new for boys this Christmas?
6:30am: FINALLY I can wake Mr. KK up for the day! I have SO MUCH to talk to him about from my morning activities!

And so it goes, every day. By the time I get out of bed, I’m mentally drained. Should I use that time to exercise? Probably. But if I get up then the dogs will wake up and get up and then Mr. KK has to get up and it’s a vicious cycle of tired, cranky beings who are up way earlier than they need to be. Plus, that vacation house isn’t going to book itself.

Why Can’t I Just Stop Thinking About Stuff?

Because it’s not how I’m wired. My brain just doesn’t shut off; there is ALWAYS something to be thinking about. This morning, I read this article about a mom doing nothing, and even in that nothingness, she did a bunch of things. But those things are second nature, so they don’t feel like chores or an item on a to-do list.

Even when I take some time to head out on my own – hit up TJ Maxx or Homegoods, or even the grocery store – I’m still thinking about everything else in my life except what I’m going. Mr. KK will get random texts from me while I’m shopping about an event a few months away, or a reminder to ask me about an item I read about in bed that morning.

Were You Able to Relax a Little During 2020?

Sort of.

I had more time to think about things (not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing?) because we were doing less. Our weekends weren’t filled with playdates and soccer games or gatherings with friends. I had more time to be my crazy, Type A, controlling self. That’s good, right?

I liken my exhaustion to after a year of having more time to do things, that precious time was taken away. So now I’m back to doing the same amount of thinking/planning/researching/living in fewer available hours. We’re back to scheduling activities for Little Mister on weekends so he doesn’t turn into a hermit who only gets to play with and see his parents. Because as fun as I think I am, this kid needs to be with other kids, outside of our house, playing with friends his own age.

We’re back to going to the grocery store. Which – silly as it sounds – can sometimes be hard to fit into the weekend. While I loved the ease of online shopping and delivery, I want to squeeze my own avocados and ensure I get the correct food times when I’m unpacking the bags.

We’re in First Grade! In school, with daily drop off and pick up (at super inconvenient times!) and homework, which requires a good half hour a day to discuss said homework, complain about doing the homework, then completing the homework in 5 minutes.

We’re trying soccer! So we’re on the hook for one practice a week (on a Monday night…seriously, who has their shit together on a Monday for this?) and a game on Saturday.

Mr. KK and I are both super busy at work. So I find myself juggling schedules, finding time to be present with Little Mister in the few hours we have together, carving out work time when I can (sorry for the 10pm work emails, people!) and, oh yeah, doing all the other house stuff that needs to get done.

I’ve taken on the role of the Vice President of the PTA this year, and I’m Little Mister’s Room Captain. I know I don’t need to do this, but I want to do this – I want to be present in Little Mister’s school and community. So I carve out time for event planning and goody-bag making as well.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Hopefully to the couch, to take a nap. (But who am I kidding? I can’t even relax enough to take a nap!)

I will take it one day at a time. I will do what I can without sacrificing what’s important each day. Some days, Little Mister is emotional and needs more one-on-one time, other days he’s happy to take his iPad in the other room for a bit and chill by himself.

I will leave dishes in the sink if I can’t get to them.

I will leave laundry undone as long as we have underwear.

I will order take out if I’m too tired to cook.

I will say “no” to a 5pm meeting at work if I just can’t make it work with everything going on at home.

I will try and find time each day to get some type of exercise (even walking the dog!) because it makes me happy.

I will TRY and sleep until 5:30am each day. (But make no promises)

NaBloPoMo

If you need me after 9pm, call me tomorrow.

littleshoeprincess

Screen Shot 2018-11-16 at 11.01.07 PM

The fact that I’m writing this post at 11pm on a Friday night is amazing. Not because I’m home, but because I’m AWAKE.

That’s right. Usually, I would have at least a solid hour of sleep under my belt by this time, but we were at a friends’ house, and when you fall asleep at other people’s homes, they don’t always invite you back.

Part of the deal with being a morning person is that you’re NOT a night owl. Meaning: you go to bed early. I have always gone to bed early. In college, I would do my best to hang until the wee hours of the morning (why, people? WHY?) but would often find myself sneaking off “lie down for just a minute” and the next thing I knew I would wake up fully-clothed, on top of my twin comforter, mascara halfway down my face, at 5:30am.

During the week, every night is an endurance test to see if I can outlast Little Mister at bedtime. When we start our pre-bed show at 8pm, there have been many night when I have fallen asleep (Mr. KK, too) while Little Mister watches TV, wide awake. In fact, I’ve never known my child to ever fall asleep while watching TV. How is that possible?

If you find it a necessity enjoy going to bed early, you shouldn’t have children. Because guess what kids hate to do? GO TO BED. In fact, they are so manipulating, that they could drag out the going-to-bed-routine for over 45 minutes. Forty-five minutes. Do you know how many times I could have fallen asleep during that time? Nine times. Nine.

And guess what little kids don’t like to do? NAP. I would practically sell my soul to be able to take an uninterrupted marathon nap on a Saturday afternoon. When I suggest a nap to Little Mister, he acts like I offered him poisonous candy. I want to scream, “Enjoy this sleep while you can, Kid! You don’t know what you’re missing!” Because some day, you’ll be exhausted and just want to throw your body on your mattress but you’ll have a little child who just “isn’t tired” or “isn’t ready to sleep just yet”, even though it 9pm, 9:30pm, 10pm. You will be DYING to go to bed (forget pajamas, I’ll just sleep in my clothes like college) – you will be able to physically SEE your bed from his room – and yet, you will never get there. You will be dealing with orange ghosts under the bed, one very last glass of water, and getting the comforter tucked in on all sides. You will say things like, “I’m exhausted,” to your child. Who will simply look at you, wide-eyed, and reply, “Well, I’m not.” As if that’s the last word to keep you up even.

When Vito the Wonder Dog was still alive, and we were living in our last house, there would come a point in the night when he would be ready to go upstairs to bed. Mind you, he had been sleeping on us on the couch for the last 2 hours, but he’d reach his breaking point. He’d wake up and stretch, shake out, jump down from our legs, and prance over to the staircase. Vito would then sit at the bottom of the stairs, staring at us and crying; it was as if he was saying, “Come on, humans! Can’t you see I’m exhausted! I just want to go to bed.” Eventually his crying would wear us down and we’d take him upstairs to bed.

I loved this about Vito. He was tired? He’d go to bed. Now, when I’m tired, I’m either in the middle of the bedtime routine, or there’s laundry to be done, or cookies for school to bake.

Once Little Mister started growing up, I still couldn’t meet my early bedtime, because on the nights Mr. KK and I would eat after Max went to bed, we found ourselves eating at 9:30pm. (In fact, we still do.) And if there’s anything I hate more than missing my bedtime, it’s being hungry. Food comes first.

So if you ever need me – or, God forbid, ever want to go out with me – after 9pm, consider it a hard pass. We can talk tomorrow when I’m up before the sun and ready to tackle the day.

Right now, I just want to tackle my pillow. GOOD NIGHT.